You know that hypocritical promise “It will NEVER happen again?” I don’t trust it. It always takes me to the times of “I will NEVER hurt you.” Gets me thinking. How am I supposed to trust you for a second time that you are out to paint as first? Weakness. Once the initial trust is gone, whatever comes after will always be secondary, coming with limits. The preceding dark days hurt just a little, they are always expected, save for the unknown time.
I know all of us will ask for second chances at one point in life. It happens in various places. This is about me and you. The two of us. A chance into my life. A chance into my heart. A chance to share my delicate heart with you.
I hate being asked for a second chance; actually I never give second chances. Thinking of it I always say nobody deserves a second chance from me, God gives another chance all the time. I am human; allow me to be just that. The “its over” moment is always the worst, but one way or another it most times happens over a cup of coffee, over lunch or in rare cases over a WhatsApp chat. Sigh! It does gonna happen there, maybe. Then you will spend a day or two waiting for the response, which probably will never come. Silence is also an answer, you tell yourself and move on. Worst case scenario. Its only wise to man up or woman up and respond. You asked for it, anyway.
So here I am. After days, months and years of soul searching, a couple of sleepless days and hardworking nights then you decide to accord that “second chance,” perfectly painted as a replay of the paused movie. These relationships actually are movies. So the drama continues. Some flashbacks here and there, the things that make you stick to the main role. Takes you to the weeks that went by without a word from either of you. Happens always. To the days you argued out on everything, all the time. To the” bounced” dates. To the things you hoped he stopped doing, at least in your presence. Scenes will always shift. The movie has to go on.
Now here you are. On it for the “second” time. This time by choice. Feels worse than ever. Should have avoided it. He feels less sorry, inside his head probably wondering why this “intelligent” girl can’t just see he is passing time. At times he will hint at you that it ain’t getting anywhere, focused on making the second chance work you will ignore all the signs.
Time waits for no man. I always remember this from my childhood friend, never waited for me to tie my shoe laces those cold mornings as we ran to school. As you stay wishing things will work out your counterpart silently moves on, slowly turning the hints to excuses and eventually to reasons. Your photo appears and disappears as his phone screen saver all the time. Takes a day or two to respond to a “morning babe” message on WhatsApp. Mh! Probably never calls, picking the call that comes after the five missed ones. Will always be away from the phone. Develops a new trend of sleeping earlier than before, all calls past the working hours bracket are “late night” calls. It’s a second chance anyway, requesting for a third won’t be as difficult.
There is everything wrong with according second chances. Don’t abuse the freedom of choice. Never ignore the hints. Never abuse the first decision. If you have to burn bridges to avoid using them again, go ahead.
