I am in love. I have been in love, just for a while now. I can tell that it’s all genuine, that eventually it happening. After all the wrongs and hurts that were probably self-created. Yes. I always lack an answer when asked if I have ever been in a relationship before. I know I have, like twice or so. But am not sure what exactly those were. Maybe I was involved in things I was not sure I wanted to do. Maybe “they” had forced it on me. Maybe I was just too ignorant to know what it was all about. But I guess I could still stand and say I have been in a relationship. I was hurt or rather someone’s heart was broken; maybe mine maybe his. But I have never cried or felt a big difference when they walked away. It wasn’t a big deal for me to watch them leave as I silently moved on with my books. I was still in school.
That I am finally in love, committed and so sure about it is no doubt. I have never acted as a wife, I want to be. At this point I can stand him talk to me about marriage. I used to view it as a big joke. Maybe that’s why the whole thing was too casual to me. It was just a friend zone with a difference, I could easily call them platonic relationships, but some still feel we had something. Heaven knows better.
I speak of love because I now understand what it takes to love a man. Condoning all the nonsense that comes along with him being of different character from you; it’s the hardest thing I have so easily learnt to live with. Worst of all is when you have to face the challenge of letting him know the things he may need to work on if the relationship has to be kept. I guess am still struggling with this. Love life has taught me to compromise so many of the principles that kept me out of my previous “relationships.” Yeah, that I can listen to a 5 minutes lecture on an agreement that I possibly failed to remember and still smile at the end of the call tells me much. I sure am in love.
Until I got myself in this I had some beliefs that I have had to drop: a) Calling a man makes a girl look desperate. How wrong I had been. I remember parting ways with a “friend” after a month of knowing each other. Reason, I could never call him. Not even when I got a missed call. Communication is always two-way. Silence is golden to a one man initiated conversation. So I actually pick that phone and dial him a number of times in a day. I am not desperate. I am in love. I am protecting my future. b) It’s him to suggest an outing. I will not say much on this. Most times we are out; it somehow originated from my side. c) He can leave if he wants. So it actually was. They always felt enslaved and finally walked away. In as much as it never used to bother me much, I always thought it was unfair but was too proud to talk things over. It always ended just like that. d)He was a passersby. Don’t give me that look. I was the kind of girl who believed in the soap opera kind of love. It never happened, it’s finally happening but in another form. Had I walked into this with the same mentality am sure we could have part ways. He is the right one. At least for as long as he is with me.
Love is real for as long as the parties involved choose to let it be. I still believe in one thing; love lasts for as long as the two choose to protect it. For as long as they want to be in love. For better and for worse. In health and in sickness. In poverty and in wealth. I will always love you.
5 thoughts on “In Love”
Kudos for such a knowledgeable arrangement of words.I too believed so.but later came to realize that” Usicheke kilema uzazi ungalipo”
Thanks dear. I learnt it the hard way. I now know what it means to be in love. I am in love
I feel you girl! The way I have had to change my thinking is a lot like your story. I love it.
Thanks dear. I love the way nobody has pushed me into it. It just came. So natural